What are the American standards of beauty? As an African American can we ever fit that standard? Can we? Do you want to? What does that mean to you?
- American Beauty – Alan Ball 1999
A friend of mine asked these questions on Facebook and I have been thinking about them ever since. As a mother of two little girls who have different fathers and looks, I am always aware that they will be compared. Hopefully the comparison will be, “Hey, you are just a funny, beautiful and intelligent as your sister.” Alas, I live in Brooklyn, and know first handed just how ignorant people can be, so I have to devise a way to prepare my girls (without jading them), to deal with other people’s “stuff.”
The American standard of beauty is ever changing but does not now, nor has it ever included African Americans, who along with other non-white racial groups, are always on the periphery of beauty. I would like for my children to see themselves as included in a diversity of beauty. I am not sure that I want to be the American standard of beauty. However, I would like to see all version of African diaspora beauty represented in the media, especially, African-American media.
I believe it is my people’s responsibility to promote to and for themselves every version of our beauty possible. Our media (do we have one that hasn’t been co-opted by self-hate) should be pioneers in offering to the world the best of our image. But that doesn’t happen so much of the time. Essence and Ebony do a good job of representing the various skin colors we descendants of the African diaspora come in, but there is always room for improvement. Especially, when it comes to the premier Black television station, Black Entertainment Television. Maybe it has something to do with the name. Maybe they would have been better of calling themselves Diaspora Entertainment Television. As such since the “media” hasn’t consistently taken up the cause of normalizing “African” beauty, parents are left to fend for themselves in providing a wealth of positive experiences when concerning beauty.
Relaying to my children that we are African American and just as beautiful as any other ethnic/racial group is of the utmost importance. It means being able to turn on the T.V. and see positive images that resemble them/us. I do not mean the neck gyrating, slick talking, relaxed hair version of black femininity so often touted as “Black Beauty.” I am talking about the natural, feminine, beautiful, intelligent version of blackness that doesn’t have to yell to be noticed, nor does it have to undress to be seen. That is not possible right now today, so we don’t pay to watch cable T.V. I am very careful of what my daughters visually consume because the image is a powerful tool. We watch a lot of reruns on Netflix and we also watch lots of movies. I put extra effort into finding books with African American/Diaspora heroines and I always make sure that they are exposed to the African presence in the arts and sciences. This can be a tough job at times. It underscores the inherent inequities of our society. At the end of the day though, regardless of the inequities, my desire is for my girls to think they are MAINSTREAM even if it isn’t true.
What say you on this topic? How would you answer these questions?
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
no one can judge why God gave us diff looks. what is important is to value the African wombs we came from & bring up our daughters to maintain their culture. Here in Africa big girls get all the attention. Skinny girls r thought to be malnutritioned. What angers me is the notion that light skin is “good”. When I had Nakwavi people would say to me” umefanya … See Morevizuri kuza mzungu” (u have done well to give birth to a white). My in-laws constantly remark that Zainabu is “too dark when will she lighten up”. what I like about living here is color isnt a constant like in America. in fact my kids dont know thy r black or whatever n they dont differentiate between their friends some r white, Indian, etc.we dont get a lot of that crap in our ads/marketing. Thy like e’thing from taylor swift to Beyonce. My hope is we dnt forget our history or misinterpret it to suit the motives of others. If we dnt knw ourselves we end up assuming the wrong identity or evn identifying w our enemies. God made us naturally beautifu & unique to stand out amongst people of the world. That is what we must teach our children. Check out this article written … See Moreby a Kenyan feminist/activist & former member of Parliament Njoki Ndungu (who is also mixed race)
http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/columnists/InsidePage.php?id=1144030791&cid=485&
Will I still be alive when the world no longer has issues over skin color, facial features, and body types? Will it ever happen?
I hate the fact that all over the world, within certain cultures, the lighter skinned people are considered the lucky ones. I don’t get it. I mean, are we still enslaved and taught that dark skin is less attractive. Haven’t we come far enough to know the tactics of the slave owners – make them envy and hate one another within their own race.
I’m not great with world history, but it seems other countries, for various reasons, have the same hangups.
I handle it in my household by not making physical characteristics an issue. If something has to mentioned, I calmly and simply stick to the facts. For example, we don’t use “good hair” and “bad hair” terms. When my girls want to do something with their hair, I’ll tell them if it’s possible, and if not, just give them an alternative- and not with a sorryful tone or look.
We are a tan and brown toned family, with lots of hair, but I let my daughters know that it’s doesn’t make them “cuter,” that it’s just another “look” of the many beautiful “looks” of black people.
I wish you well in raising your daughters to feel feminine and beautiful, but to BE smart, wise, caring, and loving.