My daughter, Alana, and I lost a huge piece of our lives the summer of 2004. Her father, my husband died while at work and we were both devastated. In different ways and with different speeds we have plodded through and have managed to find some healing. I have found a new partner and have had a new baby. My wounds are still there but because of my life experience I am able to cope better.
I do all that I can to give Alana the understanding that she is loved by us both and now she has a step-father to love her as well. Sometimes that message gets through and sometimes it doesn’t. I see the loneliness was over her. It seems sometimes as if, my youngest daughter, my new partner and myself have a world that she just can’t penetrate. Sometimes that wall can be reinforced because Alana looks like her father more than she resembles me. We have had experiences when people indicate in a rather aggressive way that she does not look like my child. I see the confusion and pain that envelopes her and her shoulders sag. It often seems and I have heard that “If my daddy where here they would understand that I am yours, right mommy.” It is these times which spurred me to find something, an experience, therapy, anything that would affirm her and offer her numerous ways to think about herself, besides being the little girl whose daddy, died.
Through some small miracle in the form of an advertisement on Facebook, I found a remedy; Comfort Zone Camp. It is a bereavement camp for children 7 – 17 who have suffered the loss of a loved one. I am so grateful for the weekend Alana spent there. She came back better, happier, more confident and just as sweet as she was when I left her. I can’t say enough about what I witnessed and how this small experience rendered such large results in Alana’s life journey. Now it didn’t cure all of her issues, but it did make it easier for her to identify and talk about them. For a seven year old that is huge.
Comfort Zone Camp is a not for profit , which depends solely on donations for its survival. The camp is FREE to those who need it. Pause, that right there made so much sense and instantly told me about what this camp was about. it wasn’t bout money it was about making a difference in the lives of young people in need.
I know that this year things maybe tight for many of us, but I am asking you to make a small donation or purchase an item from the on-line store to support the efforts of this camp. Not only will Alana and I appreciate you for it, so will many of the 2.5 million children who suffer loss in this country.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Traci sent me over her after I confided in her that my 3 yr old is having a very tough time dealing with the loss of her Grandfather. While she is far too young to attend Comfort Zone, my niece who lost her mother in March is not. She is 12 and is dealing with the loss of her mother and being separated from her half sister who is 3 and with whom she is very close. I am going to give this to her father. I am so sorry for your loss and am sending both you and your daughter virtual hugs.
Kristina Brooke´s last blog ..Know the Facts: Bringing Home Baby
So so so touching. I’m literally having to hold back tears right now. Your children are beautiful. Don’t ever let the remarks and behavior of others deter you. I wish all the best for your family.I’m glad for you all that you have found a source of support.
Milcah ´s last blog ..Stop Taking My Husband
Peace Beloved. I feel your pain, as I too have suffered. One night I was in a “gypsy” cab on my home from work. It was very cold. To my surprise, the driver was a woman who looked very Ethiopian. She and I chatted as I was very interested in her. After a brief time of answering my questions, she asked about me and my life. She was horrified that I was a widow and with a crooked smile told me not to worry. She claimed that in her culture it is said that is your husband or wife dies, then they were not your true love. She further explained that my true was on his way and I would meet him shortly. I can’t say that my late husband was not a true love, but I will say that my new partner is without a doubt my soul mate.
Your new love, is finding his way to you and when you are ready, when you make the decision to love (if you do and if you don’t that is your choice) he will be there to enrich your life. I believe in happy endings. I can’t wait to hear yours.
Peace. Love. Light.
Adiaha,
I’m so grateful that you were willing to share this incredible survival story about Alana and you. I am also grateful that you were able to move ahead and again experience the comfort/love of a partner, and even a new baby! Your story is truly inspiring.
Execumama´s last blog ..I’m up early…ladi-freakin-dah!
Hey Adiaha,
I’m so happy that Alana was able to receive help from this camp, and that she is on her way to healing and accepting. I can relate to her and what she is feeling so I’m happy and so proud of you for getting her what she needs early. I too had a step father come into my life, who my mother went on to have children with. There were many times then, and now where I felt like the “outsider”, as though they were their own family and I was the odd one out. They all shared the same last name, I did not. Their dad was Brazilian, mine was not. So, they had their own cultural identity in place on top of everything else. It followed me into adulthood. So, my hats off to you for giving this attention early on so that Alana doesn’t have to deal with a possible identity crisis.
Loss…been there as well. I too lost my husband, this past October to suicide and went the whole therapy route with myself and my son. It’s been a journey, but we are slowly making it.
As soon as I am able, financially, I will be making a contribution to this wonderful cause.
Take care,
Traci
Traci´s last blog ..The Chase…
Thanks! I am sure that you were exhausted by the end of your stay. It seems like a lot of work. It also appeared very rewarding!
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve had the opportunity to volunteer for Comfort Zone Camp as a photographer and videographer. I’ve seen the “magic” that takes place there. I’m so glad Alana was able to experience that.