This morning was a mess and I regret my tirade. It was about socks. Well, it seemed to be about socks but was really about organization her still wanting attention as if she were my baby again and me wanting her to get over it already.
Sometimes I feel as if I expect to much from my daughter, and then other times I know that I don’t. To be absolutely fair and honest, I really want her to be more independent. At seven and three-quarter years old, I have to supervise every task or it simply will go undone or “half-assed.” Is it too much to ask that my daughter help keep her drawers organized? AM I a tyrant by asking to put her freshly cleaned clothes in the appropriate drawers? Am I an overbearing mother who is putting too much emphasis on the wrong things in life? Organizational skills are very important in my opinion and I am simply trying to instill good habits. I require very few chores from my seven year old and feel the ones I do ask of her (putting away folded clean clothes and keeping her toy and papers off of her bedroom floor) are simple and to the point.
Anyone else want to weigh in on this issue. I feel guilty and at a loss for what I should be expecting realistically at this stage.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Kids are kids and at that age I think you are expecting just a little too much from her. All of that comes in time. Kids will be kids. It’s frustrating indeed but don’t make them independent too early. They grow up way to fast
.-= Thom´s last blog ..What Pumpkin Face Should You Carve?, How I Learned To Mind My Own Business and Underwater Nuke =-.
I hear you LOUD and CLEAR! I have gone and cleared her drawers reorganized then and cleaned most of her room. I left her a few things to pick up. I was being a pure witchy mom! Thanks for checking me. It is so easy for this mom to feel really justified because I do so much. Not an excuse to be overbearing.
Can’t wait for Halloween! Peace Thom & Thanks again!
My view is the opposite, Adiaha. I don’t think you’re expecting too much. If those are the values you choose to instill, then though it may seem like a lot in comparison to what others do, children seem to conform to the expectations of them (within reason of course). I think what’s more important to address is how it makes YOU feel. If you feel like your going on a tirade, then tone it down and see if that makes you feel better. Perhaps another approach (like a mommy and daughter weekly organization time) might work, or something along those lines. In other words, you know intrinsically what’s right for your child and you, so do what feels right. Sounds like you’re not okay w/ how the constant issue feels for you, and subsequently her, so try something else. I’m no expert, just another mama learning to trust her inner spirit.
.-= Execumama´s last blog ..Customize Your Soiree: A Whimsicard Giveaway =-.
Wow! I think you understand that it wasn’t really just that she isn’t organized, but that her unwillingness to do as instructed one day translates into us both having to do double time on a different day. If your sock and panty drawer were not filled with jeans and t-shirts then you would have been able to find socks on your own, and I would not have had to stop making lunch (ultimately shelving my duty) to assist you in getting dressed. I specifically set up such an organized system so that these types of roadblocks would be eliminated in the morning. I get frustrated when my efforts are so easily thwarted.
What awesome advice, thank you Execumama. I really do feel like I was too much and hence my post this am. I think a gentle firmness will go a long way with my daughter. And I will have to remember to double check her after she puts clothes away on Sundays so that it is not an issue come the weekdays.
Sometimes well laid plans can come unraveled in minutes and that ladies and gentlemen always gets my throat…
Peace.
Okay, I’m in the middle. I absolutely agree with Execumama: You SHOULD have expectations for your child and she should learn how to abide by your rules and live up to those expectations. But, I also have to agree somewhat with Thom, particularly that you may be expecting way too much out of your daughter for her age. My daughter, Lila, is the same age as your daughter, and she is, hmm… a nice way to put this… a slob. The room is a HOT mess all day, everyday, and her dresser drawers? WHOOSH! No amount of organizing on my part will save those things; two seconds after I straighten them up, she tears it apart.
Still, I don’t think Lila is old enough, yet, to really be able to keep her drawers organized. I don’t hand her freshly washed and folded laundry and tell her to put it away because she can’t handle that responsibility just yet. My 10-year-old, on the other hand, can. And she just learned how to do this the RIGHT way (re: MY way) in the last year or so. I don’t see this as defiance; I see this as a child who simply can’t handle that responsibility yet.
Soooo, to keep me sane and the morning moving, I do a little prep work at night. We always make sure we lay out clothes—pants, shirts, socks, undies, etc., the night before so that everyone is clear what will be worn the next day. That way, nobody is searching for anything. It’s there, laid out, ironed and ready to go.
As for putting away the laundry: I put Lila’s away because I know she can’t handle keeping her dresser drawers neat in the way that I can. This is reality. No amount of my screaming/bribing/threatening is going to change this because she’s simply not capable of doing this right now. So I’ll do it until I feel she’s ready to handle the responsibility. (But I DO teach her how to fold and I do make her help me organize on the weekends so that she is LEARNING.)
Basically, it’s all a process, girl, and you do what’s right for you and yours. You’re the mom. You’re the one with the control. Outthink her. That’s our job as mothers.
Good luck!
.-= Denene@MyBrownBaby´s last blog ..…And Let the Prayer Circles Commence =-.
I have no advice as I am in the same position of you…helpful comments so far though!
I know that is right! Halloween was a big chip to hold over her head. And that worked. I got organized drawers and a clean room for the weekend. Alana got Halloween.
I really do think that seven year old can put clothes away just fine. Especially if there is incentive. I just have to remember the carrots. I always did well with them when I was a child and the apple doesn’t fall to far from the tree.
Thanks for weighing in.
Just came across your site randomly… Anyway.. You are putting to much pressure on the girl!!! let her be a child, you should be expecting nothing from her until the age of 12, before that all you should be doing is teaching by example.
This is how people gain character traits that stay with them for a lifetime, and not simply do things because they were told to, and then drop the habit as soon as they can.
Just my opinion though..
And I appereciate that Dede. 12 yars old? That seems like a long time without learning responsibility. In yester-year, by 14 y.o. many “children” had already chosen apprenticeships for their chosen careers. I just want a responsible, healthy minded, well rounded young adult on my hands in about 10 years. Not a lazy, shiftless one with no aspirations.
That is her only chore to put folded clothes away and to occasionally picj up the toys that gather on her bedroom floor. That is it!
But what I really want to know is how you have the same nick name as me?